Trauma 163 - All Hallow's Eve RESULTS!
Nov 13, 2014 20:02:35 GMT -5
Cory Steel and Alexa Black like this
Post by Murdoc on Nov 13, 2014 20:02:35 GMT -5
PCW Presents: All Hallow's Eve
Disclaimer: No expenses were spared in the production of this short film. Also, no expenses were spared in the retention of lawyers to combat alleged copyright infringements.
The moon is bright and full above a deserted road in the middle of God-knows-where as the sound of two sets of footsteps approach. Two lovely female figures stroll into view, scantily clad, of course. One of the women is Stacy Jones. The other is Kelli Starr. Odd that they're dressed in such a manner. Odder that they're in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Hey, this doesn't need to make sense.
“Between Andy D and Michael Soloman?” replies Kelli Starr. They must be in mid-conversation.
“Yeah.”
“Well, are we talking about length, or...?”
Before that thought can be finished, both women are disturbed by a noise from behind them. Stacy takes a reluctant glance over her shoulder. Better make that several noises. Kelli follows suit, and in an instant both gals are running for their lives down the road. Moments later, a horde of beasts, ghouls, and demons are on their trail and thirsty for blood!
Jones and Starr begin to slow as they come upon a large, hand-carved wooden sign. It reads:
NOW ENTERING HANGTOWN
And right below, another word has been scrawled jaggedly into the wood.
RUN!!!
Stacy has second thoughts. “I'm not going in there.”
“Come on,” Kelli says, grabbing her by the arm. “Trust me.”
The distressed damsels hurry into the mythical town with the monsters licking at their heels. Running into town square, the giant Hanging Tree rising up out of the earth as their backdrop, the pair turns on their assailants. Just then, the townsfolk begin to emerge from their scanty shanties. And the horde is upon them! The faces – and masks – are very familiar, indeed. A chainsaw fires up and that's when all of the screaming and fun begins!
Leatherface uses his giant chainsaw to artfully saw a pair of citizens in half while Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees go after the people with kitchen knife and machete, respectfully. Dracula, Freddy Krueger, and Chucky the Good Guy Doll...they've all come to kill on Halloween. But Stacy Jones doesn't look worried.
“You're all in BIG trouble,” quips Miss Jones. For the witching hour is upon us!
The clock strikes midnight and now the REAL monsters are coming out to play!
Frankenstein's Monster closes in on a poor, frightened woman, but fear not! Derek Cosmos is here! In a flash, Cosmos swoops in for the save wearing a cape and still sporting that black eye. But just before he can reach the monster, he trips and falls flat on his face. The hero has quickly become the victim. Looking up, he spits dirt out of his mouth. “Hi, I'm Derek Cosmos?” Frankenstein smiles with glee...until he's smacked upside the head with a baseball bat courtesy a hoodie-wearing Rick Majors! There's plenty more where that came from! Majors goes to town on the poor creature, hitting home run after home run with the monster's head. Derek lets out a sigh of relief.
Jason Voorhees and his machete are on the rampage cutting down men and women like thick Vietnamese foliage. Voorhees rounds the corner store, and the murderer comes face to face with the Bear! Cory Steel stands eye-to-eye with the demon, his bear skin draped over his shoulders. “Hey...nice mask,” Cory compliments. Jason doesn't have time for compliments and he swings his weapon. Steel grabs Jason's wrist in mid-swing, then reaches up with his free hand and grabs his hockey mask while jamming a thumb in the eye hole. Using his other hand, he reaches up, snaps Jason's neck, and rips the mask off in one fluid motion. “Thanks.”
The fearsome mummy shuffles through town looking for another victim when he comes across Aura. With a grunt, the mummy goes straight for her with arms outstretched. Aura dodges, lays in a few body shots, and then grabs onto a loose piece of bandage. Pulling with all her might, she begins to unravel the mummy. The mummy is spun clumsily in circles as Aura completely unravels the preserved body. Stepping up to its dizzy body, Aura grabs hold of the monster and plants it with the Goodnight Kiss.
Somewhere by the Rowdy Dwarf, “Mr. Showtime” Michael Wryght and Justin “Stormm” Michaels are headed to the town square when they're set upon by a mess of hungry zombies. Wryght glances at the zombies, then at Stormm. “Wow, really?” With a nod, Showtime produces a lead pipe and Justin pulls of his North American Championship to wield as a weapon. In a matter of thirty seconds, zombie faces have been smashed and zombie heads have been beaten in. Two dozen battered zombie bodies are scattered about as Wryght and Michaels are covered in blood and guts. They both look at the camera and grin.
Out in a nearby cornfield, one of the scarecrows jerks to life. Right out of Jeepers Creepers, the Creeper, disguised as a scarecrow, raises his nose to the sky and inhales deeply. Death is in the air and it's time to feast! Jumping off his stand, the Creeper plows through the cornrows headed straight for Hangtown. One plot down, the other scarecrow's head jerks to life. Raising its nose to the air, it inhales deeply. Flinging off his hat, Phinehas Grimm flies off his perch and sprints through the corn. Moments later, Grimm is upon the Creeper and a tornado of dust, ears of corn, and body parts creates quite the conniption in the field. In a matter of moments, all is silent and the Creeper has been scattered into little tiny pieces. Grimm appears neither happy nor angry as he looks at his handiwork. “Idiot.”
Somewhere in town, Hannibal Lecter stalks a young, shrieking woman. “Clarice. Come to me, Clarice,” invites the cannibal. “I'll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” He creepily sucks air through his teeth as he leans forward to dine on his victim.
Billy Sadistic pops up right behind Hannibal. “Mmmm...that sounds good. I'll have that,” says Billy. “But hold the fava beans, please.” Lecter is startled and he slowly turns. Sadistic does not hesitate. He's hungry. He sinks his fangs into Hannibal's face and let the screams begin! Nom, nom, nom!
Chucky the Good Guy Doll runs through the fracas with a ball peen hammer busting kneecaps and cracking shinbones. Then he finds Kelli Starr and Stacy Jones. And Andy D. Kelli, trying to open a tough sack of Sour Patch Kids, follows Stacy into a nearby home in search of something sharp to get to her treats. Andy is left with Chucky. “Hey, Andy,” sneers the doll, ”let's play a game. It's called Hide the Soul.” Andy D's eyes grow wide with excitement!
“Hey,” he exclaims. “A Phinehas Grimm Wrestling Buddy! No way!” With all the care of a six-year-old, he scoops up the Chucky doll and begins slamming it all about. Snap suplex! DDT! Running STO! The Dragon's Bite finishes off the little fella as blood spills from multiple wounds. “Man, I forgot how awesome those were.”
Inside the nearby house, Kelli and Stacy search for a knife, scissors, or something sharp. Stacy is in the bathroom rummaging through drawers when she peers into the mirror. “Hey, Candygirl,” hollers Stacy, “does that Candyman myth really work?” Silence. Stacy shrugs and looks into the mirror. “Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman.” In an instant, bees are buzzing around and the mythical Candyman stands behind her with hook ready to strike. Kelli barges into the bathroom, startling both Candyman and Stacy. She still hasn't found anything to open her bag of candies. Spotting Candyman's hook, she excitedly rips it from his bloody stump and uses it to open her Sour Patch Kids. Candyman grasps at his bloody appendage as his bees turn on him, stinging him repeatedly. Starr pops of few sour gummies into her mouth and offers some to Jones. Both gals leave the house snacking on sour sweets.
In an upstairs room of the house, Eira sits in a chair with her injured leg propped up and she's watching television. Suddenly, the set begins to flicker and the horror classic she was enjoying is suddenly replaced with a black and white shot of a stone well. Suddenly, a young girl with long, black hair climbs from the well and crawls on all fours towards the television screen. Eira is clearly annoyed. “Oh, God. Really?” Young Samara Moran horrifically begins crawling through the TV screen headed straight for Eira. Halfway out of the television set, Eira picks up the remote control and turns off the TV. Samara is sheered in half! Her upper body falls to the floor while her legs are trapped in the television set. Gazing at Samara's upper torso with disgust, she turns her attention to the festivities taking place outside.
Michael Myers, Dracula, and Leatherface are still running around committing atrocious acts. At the house across the way, Gem stands at the kitchen window and she's just answered a phone call. “Hello?”
“Do you like scary movies?” inquires an electronically masked voice on the other end.
“No, not really,” answers an agitated Gem. “Actually, I find them rather stupid and pathetic. They're really not scary at all.”
Clearly annoyed with Gem's lack of horror movie respect, the voice retorts, “Is that so?! Well...why don't you look out on your back porch?!”
Gem obliges and turns on the porch light. Standing on the back deck is the Ghostface Killer holding a large kitchen knife! Gem invitingly opens the back door. The killer charges, but LoKi meets him halfway with a steel chair blast to the face! Without a word, Gem and LoKi yank Ghostface off the ground and hurl him through the back window! Shards of glass slice and dice the killer as LoKi and Gem share a high-five!
Michael Soloman walks through town square minding his own business when Count Dracula confronts him. Blood drips from the corners of the vampire's mouth as he looks down upon his prey. “I vant to suck you blood,” states the blood-thirsty bloodsucker. As Dracula leans in to bite Soloman's neck, Michael doesn't hesitate to hit an uppercut!
“No, you don't,” counters Soloman. Grabbing a stunned Dracula, he plants him with the Double Cross! “And I don't have time for this Twilight shit.” Leaving Dracula face down in the dirt, Soloman continues on minding his own business.
In a nearby alley, Alexa Black, Frazier Knight, and Samson Cage fiddle with some sort of contraption. Knight is the lucky one to solve the little, golden puzzle cube. The Lament Configuration is energized with electricity and moments later Hellraiser's Pinhead appears. Chains with sharp hooks dangle from the alley walls as he approaches the Trio of Terror. In a display of power, Pinhead raises his arms and the chains begin whipping around. Clearly unimpressed, Alexa motions her men forward and the three promptly throw a beatdown on the sadistic killer. After suffering a severe stomping, Alexa hefts him onto her shoulders and plants Pinhead on his pinhead with the Black Widow, driving the pins deep into the villains brain! Not satisfied, the trio continue stomping on him until their boots are covered in brains!
Back in the street, Tha Joka skips along without a care in the world. But something grabs his attention. “Psst. Hey, kid,” offers a voice from the sewer drain, “don't you want a balloon?” Joka stops in mid-skip and peers down into the storm drain.
“Do they float?” Tha Joka asks mockingly.
“Oh, yes,” responds Pennywise the Clown. “They float. They ALL float down here! And you will, too!” As Joka reaches down for the balloon, Pennywise latches onto Joka's wrist to pull him under. Joka has other plans as he reverses grip and instead pulls the dancing clown from the sewer and up into the street. Joka pulls him close and licks the clown's cheek before kicking him in the bawls! Lifting the killer clown into the air, Joka plants him into the ground with the Sadist Slam, effectively breaking his back! Shooting a snot rocket on the crippled clown, the REAL clown continues on his merry way.
As Michael Myers and Leatherface continue their onslaught, Freddy Krueger appears in a whirling dervish of smoke and mirrors! He lets out a cackle as he moves to join in the fun. A burst of smoke stops him in his tracks as Nathan Saniti appears from the madness. His smartly-priced hat is clearly superior to Freddy's fedora. “Clever parlor trick, my good sir,” observes Saniti, obviously unimpressed. “How about this one?” Nathan produces a small, rectangular mirror. With a flash of the hands, Nathan stretches the mirror horizontally and vertically until it is a full-height mirror. He turns it on Freddy. Krueger gazes at his reflection and lets out a sarcastic laugh. In his reflection, the fedora, striped sweater, and claws have been replaced with a pink dress and matching bow for his head.
“Clever parlor trick, punk,” growls Freddy. “Now come 'ere.” Except Saniti finds himself facing not only Freddy, but Michael Myers and Leatherface, as well. Preparing himself for the worst, he's pleasantly surprised to hear...
“Yippee Ki Yay!” The battle cry comes from the top of the Hanging Tree and out flies a figure! Down it soars before landing square on the top of Myers' head, crushing him in a heap! “Crazy Boy” Tyrone Smith rolls off to the side from the impact. Michael Myers slowly reaches for his knife, but Crazy Boy is on him in an instant pummeling him into oblivion! Leatherface is not to be deterred as he rears back with his chainsaw to strike the killing blow on Saniti!
A thick chain whips into view and wraps around the blade of the saw, snapping the chain! Shocked, Leatherface spins around and comes mask to mask with a pissed off Murdoc! The chainsaw murderer strikes Murdoc with a right hand, but his head doesn't even so much as budge. Grabbing Leatherface by the shirt, Murdoc connects with a sickening metallic headbutt that crushes the killer's face! Leatherface crumbles to his knees clutching his face. Murdoc simply chuckles at Leatherface's stupid, stupid mask. No protection. What a dummy.
And with the monster army completely decimated, Freddy Krueger cuts his losses and takes the advice of the Hangtown welcoming sign...he RUNS! The PCW stars mob the town square, surrounded by dead monsters, blood, and entrails as Mr. Krueger hustles out of harm's way. On his way out of town, he passes by PCW World Champion Whitey Ford. Ford watches him scurry off into the distance before looking directly into the camera.
“Welcome to a very special All Hallow's Eve edition of Tuesday Night Trauma,” says a very rehearsed Whitey Ford. “We are Pure Class Wrestling. Do NOT fuck with us!”
“Ahem!” comes a voice from off camera.
Clearly unhappy with his line, he redoes that last bit. “We are Pure Class Wrestling. Where wrestling has class!” He caps it off with an annoyed fake smile.
“All right, that's a wrap,” declares PCW President Frank Foley from just off screen.
As the scene comes to an end, Ford suddenly develops an itch. He begins scratching at his face feverishly. Something has consumed the World Champion! Right before your very eyes, whiskers begin to sprout from Whitey's face! His nose grows into a snout! Fur begins to sprout from all over his body and his eyes glow an eerie yellow! Turning his head to the moon, he lets out an ear-splitting howl! The PCW wrestlers in the town square mimic the howling as the scene goes completely black.
***
