Post by Nacho Grande on Aug 21, 2015 13:52:58 GMT -5
NOTE: Sorry about the formatting, but every time I tried to change colors, it would revert back to the beginning of the RP and not work, and my nerves couldn't take it anymore.
::In a lone desert stretching for miles (how we found one in South Carolina I'm not sure, but just go with it), the lone Nacho Grande searches like a lone, hot, searching person. In one match, he has rekindled former glory into a shot at revenge at one of the many nemeses responsible for the departure of his best friend, "Heavy Metal" Jacob Roth. That's where things get ugly.
::I could use a Phoenix metaphor here, but that's more overdone than a steak burrito left on the grill overnight. The main event once again graces the in-ring luchador legend that is Nacho Grande, and teaming with the Late Night Cosmic Nachos Express Team Group Thing, or whatever they name themselves this week, will be their future competitors for the very belts that Nacho helped turn into legend when he and Roth took on Sadistic and Grimm for months.::
::It seems few things have changed. The Brothers Grimm of Stick-Infested Beardnessosity have recruited more to their cause, including those who pull the strings. Zoey approaches Nacho, who doesn't seem to acknowledge his presence.::
Zoey: Nacho? Anyone there?
::Nacho removes two earbuds from under his mask.::
Zoey: You called me out to a desert, and you couldn't even take your headphones out? What the hell, man?
Nacho Grande: Sorry man, just had to cruise with a little Pink Floyd.
Zoey: Pink Floyd? Why? Dropping acid in the desert can't be any fun. There's scorpions and shit out here.
Nacho Grande: Because I know more about my opponents than I do my tag partners, and I'm doing my best to get in their frame of mind.
Zoey: What, like method acting?
Nacho Grande: Sort of, just without the Daniel Day Lewis "being an asshole about it" stuff.
::Nacho Grande wishes to note at this particular time that he has no interest in fighting about Daniel Day Lewis's acting methods, and is quite sure as far as you know that it was only a satirical remark designed to prolong this conversation because Nacho barely knows his three teammates. Thank you for reading. I get lonely sometimes.::
Zoey: Going into a main-event battle like this, don't you think you should be doing more than that?
Nacho Grande: My typical routines, I can't just go back into them when it involves him, his converted follower, and two former champions who would eat my head like an orange if they thought it would get them their precious belts back.
Zoey: Why an orange?
Nacho Grande: It peels.
Zoey: What does that have to do with...
Nacho Grande: Are you here to help me or not?
Zoey: I am, you know I am.
::Nacho pauses, and takes a long, hard stare toward the horizon.::
Nacho Grande: Few things have changed since me and Roth's war with the Ducktown Dynasty Faces of Fear. People called Gem a conspiracy nut for thinking that even those who make the rules have joined their cause, but look around: Main event title matches being screwed over by sworn enemies of both parties, tag teams who will face each other teaming up against natural allies, a series of ever-so-convenient plot twists that always seem to keep the Black Hand members protected with their titles intact? It's a little too much to ignore.
Zoey: But didn't Frank Foley put Gem in the main event?
Nacho Grande: The more I look back at that, the more I can't help but think that he set her out to slaughter, and she just surprised everyone by not giving in. Then again, they had no idea of her lineage at the time. If Lady Elf of the Next Generation of Immortals and I have anything in common, it's that we try even harder when someone doubts us, which basically means all the time. She's a quiet girl, I'm who I am, we both know what it's like.
Zoey: But the tag team championships are rather secondary in this case, aren't they?
Nacho Grande: Gold is never secondary, and what kind of Hall-of-Famer would I be if I disrespected the company that actually gave me a paycheck? Seriously, I've been working for Taco Bell for eight years and they still haven't given me a raise. It's a shame though, Eggers never washes his uniform and still smells better than Billy Sadistic, and that's before the match.
Zoey: Isn't it just Sadistic now?
Nacho Grande: Right, I forgot, nobody in wrestling can have more than one name anymore. So Cosmos and Grande are teaming up with Crazyeyes and Candyass to fight the Failure Government in a Sadness Rumor Mill...
Zoey: That's more than one word.
Nacho Grande: So is your mother. But we've got those two lunatics who like to sabotage their own matches just to get a cool byline in the PCW Magazine, you've got one of the Black Hand's minions named after a lightning sighting, and you have Grimm. He and I have done war in places like this, hostile environments that no others should ever have to meet. It took everything out of Roth and it shortened my career, but I'm not about to let it end this way. The Dastardly Deeds of Dystopian Drunk Dickbillies in Destruction Determination Danger Zones cannot keep up their four years of reigning terror. The game is rigged, the system is rigged, and only a few stand beside us and Gem, but absolution is no option.
::Pink Floyd and Muse references in one sentence, eat it bitches!::
Zoey: So what do you plan to do?
Nacho Grande: I figure it's good to get the late 60's throwbacks on our side, at least with a common enemy being placed before our showdown for the belts. Maybe we can convince them their heads are made of caramel.
Zoey: What?
Nacho Grande: Acid's a helluva drug.
Zoey: And after the head-eating?
Nacho Grande: I'll continue to do my part to strike back at the Hand. Someone has to.
::So that does it for this week on...::
Zoey: No wait, seriously?
::Don't interrupt me, fucknugget.::
Zoey: You just called me out here to talk strategy and listen to Floyd? You really came out to the desert for this?
Nacho Grande: Hey, I had to use the word "dystopian." Can you think of a better place to do it than this? What am I gonna do, go into work and describe it that way?
Zoey: It'd be a helluva Demolition Man reference.
::Nacho's face under the mask suddenly starts grinning, as if he just had the most brilliant idea ever.::
Zoey: No, no wait, I didn't mean to...
::Shut your face, we're ending it there. That's awesome and I'm not letting you ruin it!::
::Yeah, you thought it was gonna be a Mad Max reference, didn't you?::
::In a lone desert stretching for miles (how we found one in South Carolina I'm not sure, but just go with it), the lone Nacho Grande searches like a lone, hot, searching person. In one match, he has rekindled former glory into a shot at revenge at one of the many nemeses responsible for the departure of his best friend, "Heavy Metal" Jacob Roth. That's where things get ugly.
::I could use a Phoenix metaphor here, but that's more overdone than a steak burrito left on the grill overnight. The main event once again graces the in-ring luchador legend that is Nacho Grande, and teaming with the Late Night Cosmic Nachos Express Team Group Thing, or whatever they name themselves this week, will be their future competitors for the very belts that Nacho helped turn into legend when he and Roth took on Sadistic and Grimm for months.::
::It seems few things have changed. The Brothers Grimm of Stick-Infested Beardnessosity have recruited more to their cause, including those who pull the strings. Zoey approaches Nacho, who doesn't seem to acknowledge his presence.::
Zoey: Nacho? Anyone there?
::Nacho removes two earbuds from under his mask.::
Zoey: You called me out to a desert, and you couldn't even take your headphones out? What the hell, man?
Nacho Grande: Sorry man, just had to cruise with a little Pink Floyd.
Zoey: Pink Floyd? Why? Dropping acid in the desert can't be any fun. There's scorpions and shit out here.
Nacho Grande: Because I know more about my opponents than I do my tag partners, and I'm doing my best to get in their frame of mind.
Zoey: What, like method acting?
Nacho Grande: Sort of, just without the Daniel Day Lewis "being an asshole about it" stuff.
::Nacho Grande wishes to note at this particular time that he has no interest in fighting about Daniel Day Lewis's acting methods, and is quite sure as far as you know that it was only a satirical remark designed to prolong this conversation because Nacho barely knows his three teammates. Thank you for reading. I get lonely sometimes.::
Zoey: Going into a main-event battle like this, don't you think you should be doing more than that?
Nacho Grande: My typical routines, I can't just go back into them when it involves him, his converted follower, and two former champions who would eat my head like an orange if they thought it would get them their precious belts back.
Zoey: Why an orange?
Nacho Grande: It peels.
Zoey: What does that have to do with...
Nacho Grande: Are you here to help me or not?
Zoey: I am, you know I am.
::Nacho pauses, and takes a long, hard stare toward the horizon.::
Nacho Grande: Few things have changed since me and Roth's war with the Ducktown Dynasty Faces of Fear. People called Gem a conspiracy nut for thinking that even those who make the rules have joined their cause, but look around: Main event title matches being screwed over by sworn enemies of both parties, tag teams who will face each other teaming up against natural allies, a series of ever-so-convenient plot twists that always seem to keep the Black Hand members protected with their titles intact? It's a little too much to ignore.
Zoey: But didn't Frank Foley put Gem in the main event?
Nacho Grande: The more I look back at that, the more I can't help but think that he set her out to slaughter, and she just surprised everyone by not giving in. Then again, they had no idea of her lineage at the time. If Lady Elf of the Next Generation of Immortals and I have anything in common, it's that we try even harder when someone doubts us, which basically means all the time. She's a quiet girl, I'm who I am, we both know what it's like.
Zoey: But the tag team championships are rather secondary in this case, aren't they?
Nacho Grande: Gold is never secondary, and what kind of Hall-of-Famer would I be if I disrespected the company that actually gave me a paycheck? Seriously, I've been working for Taco Bell for eight years and they still haven't given me a raise. It's a shame though, Eggers never washes his uniform and still smells better than Billy Sadistic, and that's before the match.
Zoey: Isn't it just Sadistic now?
Nacho Grande: Right, I forgot, nobody in wrestling can have more than one name anymore. So Cosmos and Grande are teaming up with Crazyeyes and Candyass to fight the Failure Government in a Sadness Rumor Mill...
Zoey: That's more than one word.
Nacho Grande: So is your mother. But we've got those two lunatics who like to sabotage their own matches just to get a cool byline in the PCW Magazine, you've got one of the Black Hand's minions named after a lightning sighting, and you have Grimm. He and I have done war in places like this, hostile environments that no others should ever have to meet. It took everything out of Roth and it shortened my career, but I'm not about to let it end this way. The Dastardly Deeds of Dystopian Drunk Dickbillies in Destruction Determination Danger Zones cannot keep up their four years of reigning terror. The game is rigged, the system is rigged, and only a few stand beside us and Gem, but absolution is no option.
::Pink Floyd and Muse references in one sentence, eat it bitches!::
Zoey: So what do you plan to do?
Nacho Grande: I figure it's good to get the late 60's throwbacks on our side, at least with a common enemy being placed before our showdown for the belts. Maybe we can convince them their heads are made of caramel.
Zoey: What?
Nacho Grande: Acid's a helluva drug.
Zoey: And after the head-eating?
Nacho Grande: I'll continue to do my part to strike back at the Hand. Someone has to.
::So that does it for this week on...::
Zoey: No wait, seriously?
::Don't interrupt me, fucknugget.::
Zoey: You just called me out here to talk strategy and listen to Floyd? You really came out to the desert for this?
Nacho Grande: Hey, I had to use the word "dystopian." Can you think of a better place to do it than this? What am I gonna do, go into work and describe it that way?
Zoey: It'd be a helluva Demolition Man reference.
::Nacho's face under the mask suddenly starts grinning, as if he just had the most brilliant idea ever.::
Zoey: No, no wait, I didn't mean to...
::Shut your face, we're ending it there. That's awesome and I'm not letting you ruin it!::
::Yeah, you thought it was gonna be a Mad Max reference, didn't you?::
