Post by Lunatic on Sept 4, 2015 21:32:36 GMT -5
A Very Looney Promo
"Fish.
"That is all.
"Seriously?" Lunatic peers into the camera lens, it's contours distorting his facial features as if through a fish's eye. "Did you really think you were gonna get off that easily?" He steps back into full view. "Yeah, I know..." Marc speaks in a mocking tone, "Shoot promos aren't widely accepted in PCW.
"Psst." He leans in as if to tell the camera a deep, dark secret. "GET OVER YOURSELF! GAWD!
"I dunno about this 'Crazy Boy' fella I'm teaming up with, but Alexa is along for the ride, I'm game." Lunatic pauses as if a thought just occurred to him. Then he sniffs his armpits, seemingly approving of the results. "Not gamey. Just game.
"So what's the deal, Tyronsington? What's a guy gotta do to get him a piece of that sweet Alexa pie? You're her tag partner. Surely you know her by now.
"What can I say? I have the subtlety of a train wreck.
"Oh well. At least I get to play tag, I mean tag with her. She might be a little rough around the edges, but..." Looney clasps his hands at the side of his face, lovestruck puppy dog eyes glimmering for the audience. "...I can change her. Cuz I LUBS her.
"Poor Crazy Power. They have been on a shit streak lately. Good thing they have me. I can only add to the fun, right? I mean, a ring chock full of special people sans helmets. We are a box of kooky chocolates. OH! I GET TO BE THE CHERRY MASH!" He wiggles his eyebrows... um... seductively? "You know what I mean, Alexa.
"Guess I'd better say something about my opponents, you know the dysfunctional starstruck lovers who are the tag champions. Look Psycho-delicunts, I have nothing against you, and I you caught me on a good day, I'd punch ya square in the fuck just to get that deep screech that adds to the background vocals of 'Rhiannon.' On a bad day, I'd do things to you in that ring that would make Jeffrey Dahmer lose his lunch from revulsion. It's a coin toss, really.
"Don't worry, Dollface. I'm smart enough to know you're Nathan's sugar coating. Won't stop me from using your funbags as a landing cushion when I come at ya from the top turnbuckle. Silicone doesn't burst, does it? Meh. I'll bring a can of Fix-a-flat.
"Natey, old boy, you and I have gone back a while in this industry, but we've never actually met in the ring. Your prestidigi... presti... your magic doesn't scare me. That mask is just effing stupid, too. You're not Murdoc. Take it off. Better yet, I'll rip the damned thing off myself, sweetcheeks. And I don't even care if I take seventeen layers of skin with it. At least your ugly mug would finally have some color.
"Then there's good old Derek Cosmos. I'mma keep it simple for you, sunshine. You? I'm going to stomp the ever living hell out of you and then tango back to heaven on the leftovers. I owe you for playing me like a fool. I don't need your help for that, thank you very much. I mean, really? Nacho Grande was your partner? The newly inducted Hall of Famer? Ride coattails, much? I'm gonna make you swallow my bootlaces until I can braid them from your backside. Dick. We could have had fun as a team, but NOOOOOOOOOOO. You and your stoopit plans.
Lunatic cups a hand over his mouth, breathing heavily and speaking in a deep bass. "Luke, the butthurt is strong with this one." His voice returns to normal. "You damned skippy. It's not like I'm going to get anything out of this match unless Alexa and Dollface have a wardrobe malfunction contest in a vat of pudding. Win or lose, I get to play with the dreamy Alexa, and maybe LaShawnda will throw me like a lawn dart again. That was fun.
"Gotta go for now. I'm either hungry, or Jeopardy is on. I can never remember which this time of night. Toodles, roadkill. See ya all at Trauma."
"Fish.
"That is all.
"Seriously?" Lunatic peers into the camera lens, it's contours distorting his facial features as if through a fish's eye. "Did you really think you were gonna get off that easily?" He steps back into full view. "Yeah, I know..." Marc speaks in a mocking tone, "Shoot promos aren't widely accepted in PCW.
"Psst." He leans in as if to tell the camera a deep, dark secret. "GET OVER YOURSELF! GAWD!
"I dunno about this 'Crazy Boy' fella I'm teaming up with, but Alexa is along for the ride, I'm game." Lunatic pauses as if a thought just occurred to him. Then he sniffs his armpits, seemingly approving of the results. "Not gamey. Just game.
"So what's the deal, Tyronsington? What's a guy gotta do to get him a piece of that sweet Alexa pie? You're her tag partner. Surely you know her by now.
"What can I say? I have the subtlety of a train wreck.
"Oh well. At least I get to play tag, I mean tag with her. She might be a little rough around the edges, but..." Looney clasps his hands at the side of his face, lovestruck puppy dog eyes glimmering for the audience. "...I can change her. Cuz I LUBS her.
"Poor Crazy Power. They have been on a shit streak lately. Good thing they have me. I can only add to the fun, right? I mean, a ring chock full of special people sans helmets. We are a box of kooky chocolates. OH! I GET TO BE THE CHERRY MASH!" He wiggles his eyebrows... um... seductively? "You know what I mean, Alexa.
"Guess I'd better say something about my opponents, you know the dysfunctional starstruck lovers who are the tag champions. Look Psycho-delicunts, I have nothing against you, and I you caught me on a good day, I'd punch ya square in the fuck just to get that deep screech that adds to the background vocals of 'Rhiannon.' On a bad day, I'd do things to you in that ring that would make Jeffrey Dahmer lose his lunch from revulsion. It's a coin toss, really.
"Don't worry, Dollface. I'm smart enough to know you're Nathan's sugar coating. Won't stop me from using your funbags as a landing cushion when I come at ya from the top turnbuckle. Silicone doesn't burst, does it? Meh. I'll bring a can of Fix-a-flat.
"Natey, old boy, you and I have gone back a while in this industry, but we've never actually met in the ring. Your prestidigi... presti... your magic doesn't scare me. That mask is just effing stupid, too. You're not Murdoc. Take it off. Better yet, I'll rip the damned thing off myself, sweetcheeks. And I don't even care if I take seventeen layers of skin with it. At least your ugly mug would finally have some color.
"Then there's good old Derek Cosmos. I'mma keep it simple for you, sunshine. You? I'm going to stomp the ever living hell out of you and then tango back to heaven on the leftovers. I owe you for playing me like a fool. I don't need your help for that, thank you very much. I mean, really? Nacho Grande was your partner? The newly inducted Hall of Famer? Ride coattails, much? I'm gonna make you swallow my bootlaces until I can braid them from your backside. Dick. We could have had fun as a team, but NOOOOOOOOOOO. You and your stoopit plans.
Lunatic cups a hand over his mouth, breathing heavily and speaking in a deep bass. "Luke, the butthurt is strong with this one." His voice returns to normal. "You damned skippy. It's not like I'm going to get anything out of this match unless Alexa and Dollface have a wardrobe malfunction contest in a vat of pudding. Win or lose, I get to play with the dreamy Alexa, and maybe LaShawnda will throw me like a lawn dart again. That was fun.
"Gotta go for now. I'm either hungry, or Jeopardy is on. I can never remember which this time of night. Toodles, roadkill. See ya all at Trauma."
