Post by Loco on Sept 17, 2015 21:22:14 GMT -5
April 21st, 2015
I sighed at this one, a long day that ended with a long drive. April twenty-first, two thousand and fifteen. The place was Porterville, California at Hillcrest Cemetery, three thirty in the afternoon. As I drove up to the open gates, I felt an unsettling feeling growing in my stomach, making its way up to my throat. I took a drink of water and it seems to take care of that feeling. Here it was the first crossroad and I made that familiar right turn onto it. I drove down half of the way and then pulled to the side and put the car into park. I reached for the keys and turned the car off; I reached over to the passenger’s seat and picked up two yellow roses and grabbed the keys, opened the door and exited the car, closing the door behind me. The keys were placed into my pant pocket, as I made my way down the row of final resting spots of people, as usual I look at the names and once I get to my grandfather’s grave, I start to feel like my throat is closing up and take a couple of coughs. I came to a stop at the grave next to my grandfathers and look down to see my Mother’s grave, she is laying in rest next to her father as she wanted. My breathing started to get shorter and shorter, as I read the name on the grave Debra Marquez Coffee.
”Well Mother, here I am, once again standing in front of you, while you have been at rest here for now the past ten years of my life. I wish that you could have met your four grandchildren, but due to the two husbands that decided to take advantage of your love, by keeping me away, you sadly lost out on that privilege and pleasure. They will never know of how much love and spoiling that you would shower onto them, but through me, they will gain knowledge of a parent that will be there for them. I do not blame you for what was decided back in those days, you were the victim to verbal, mental and physical abuse from the man that donated the sperm that made me and the other cocksucker that was around after wards. All in all I have to be grateful to the person that I share a blood bond with, he decided to kill himself and instead of me doing that for him as I grew and became stronger to do something about it. I get to enjoy my life with children of my own and have to settle with what life gives me. Much like they say, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, I lost one major part of my life, but I gained five more. But I've never been given it all, as we are taught that we cannot have it all, which really sucks to have to deal with.”
I crouched down and placed the two yellow roses onto her headstone, in an x, for the Roman numeral ten. I wiped away some of the dirt that was built up from the last visit. I shook my head in disgust, as I realized none of the supposed family has been there.
”I take it the rest of the family couldn’t make it? I am not surprised, since you were the only one that actually treated them like family and all they could do is nothing for you. I remember you calling them bright and early on their Birthdays, not to be the first person to tell them so, but just to tell them that because you thought that it would have an impact on them and it didn’t. Even your own mother will not come out here visit her youngest of two children, but she won’t even come out here to visit Gramps, all because she believes that once you are gone, there is nothing left for you to think about. But then she goes to church and gets undeserved sympathy when she goes in and says how she had to bury her youngest child and how she had to cope with the losses of you and Gramps. For a while, I turned my back against our faith, due to her, your sister and my cousins. All four of them are using God to hide their addictions and their pasts, instead of using them for knowledge and help make sure that the future of the family doesn’t make the same mistake or help coach them out of it. Hiding behind God to make sure their little secrets does not make it out.”
I went to a knee and then sat down in an Indian style. While I looked down at the date of her death, April twenty-first, two thousand and five. Suddenly, a cool wind came pressing through, as it was a little bit warm. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly.
”I remember you calling me two days prior to this date. You had told me that you were experiencing some pain in your shoulders and the back of your neck and wanted me to take you to the doctor, since your alcoholic, meth head, pot smoking husband was away truck driving. So of course I was going to do it, plus, it was the first time in eleven years, since the man that would be legally known as my father, kicked me out onto the streets of Oakland, California. So I get there and we had some much fun and of course you made my favorite, enchiladas, rice and smashed beans. The ice tea was flowing everywhere and then later that night, we both received and unexpected and unwanted visitor. Your lousy husband came in and asked what the fuck was I doing there? Of course the drugs and alcohol on his breath, made it even worse to look at him. He punched me from behind and grabbed my long hair and started to punch me even more, that is until I turned around. I reached for his throat, trying to choke the life right out of him, but he still had ahold of my hair and was pulling back on it, to open my face up for a shot. I quickly gave myself one ‘Rowdy’ type of move, by taking my thumb and pushing it in the right eye of this fuck. I being twenty-four years old at that time and having to deal with the frustration that dad dealt to me when he killed himself, I took it out on my stepfather. I told him to let go of my hair or I would pop his eye out. After a few moments he let go and then I laid in four good shots, that knocked his ass out cold and landed him ass first in the litterbox, how fitting.”
I started to laugh at that image, being back in my head for the first time in ten years.
”You were screaming and crying, but what was done, had to be done. I was already a successful wrestler, much like I wanted to be and I had learned to finally stand up for myself. But this was not just for me; it was for you as well. You were the one that was always called up for to do things, but when you needed help, no one would be there for you. While he slept it off in the litterbox, I took you with me back to Porterville and the one thing that haunts me to this day is that I never express freely to you, like I do now. When you looked over and told me that you were sorry for being a burden on me, that you wish you could never bother anyone ever again. I sat there, like a fucking cold hearted cocksucker and never turned to you and say what I should have said and you are not the burden, it’s all the people that you hold in your life that is, no one could ask for a better mother. Those words have haunted me for the past ten years and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. This is something that I deserve, since I never thought that I would never have a chance to say it to you again. So now I speak everything to my children and wife, I don’t want to have any things that get hold back again. That was the most powerful lesson that you taught me in your death.”
I began to weep uncontrollably. This was something I had not done since the last two of my children had been born. My heart was aching, I felt so damn sick; I knew I would never get the chance to let her know how I felt. People say she can still hear it, but it just is not the same, while they are alive is when the real lifting of the weight can be shown by you and the endless happiness that your words can bring.
”Once we reached the doctor’s office, he wanted some blood work done, so across the street we went to the hospital. And after a couple of hours, we received the results and he wanted you to go to the hospital and get checked into the emergency room and ordered some tests and it was discovered that you have had suffered a few minor heart attacks. They weren’t serious, but that is why you were hurting. So they gave you some pills and then you fell asleep. I stayed at your bedside, I was thinking of all the times that we missed out on and then it dawned on me that I had enough money to take you away from everyone that didn’t matter, all you had to do is say yes. My fatigue was sitting in and started to start fading in and out of sleep myself. But at three-fifteen, you awaken from your sleep and then asked for me to help you sit up, I extended my hand and took yours into it and helped you up and after a few moments, you said there is something wrong, go get a nurse and with that you, slowly started to go backwards, your hand slowly slipping out of mine and your body was shaking, I’m standing there watching I gather my senses and go running out and yelling for help that you were having a heart attack.”
Loco pauses as he takes a big inhale of air, but the breath he was taking created an air pocket in his chest that made him clinch his chest. He takes a few deep breathes to clear this problem up.
”I saw them trying to revive you, but I was pushed away into the family room, waiting for the news that you were saved and were resting. At three-thirty, our doctor came in and told me that they tried for fifteen minutes, but you went unresponsive and they called your time of death. The our doctor tried to keep his composure as best as he could but I saw the tears that he was fighting back, as you were a favorite patient of his. I told me he was sorry for my loss and went to hug me and did so and then turned and left. I sat down on the couch when a nurse came in and asked if I needed anything, I told her a glass of water. She left and came back and sat the glass in front of me on the coffee table and left, the door closed behind her, all my focus went onto this glass of water. I don’t remember much after that, but when I came to I was being held down by five security guards and the family room that I was in, we completely thrashed. I made the phone calls to the people that called themselves family and then I left the hospital and went to Jay’s house.”
Loco was in tears even more, as he recalls.
“He had retired from wrestling as Da Fuhrer and you always said he was like another son to you and he even called you Mom. I knocked on his door and then he opened it and upon seeing him I took two steps in and I collapsed into him and started to cry with every ounce of my being. He did his best to hold me up and was asking me what I was trying to tell him while I was there, barely catching a breath inbetween crying and trying to tell him my Mom has died. Once I finally could say those words, I heard the breath leave his body and then he joined with me in crying and saying no, fuck no, don’t be saying stuff like that. A good hour passes and two grown men are standing there crying, only this time I was holding him from collapsing, you touched the lives of the people that appreciated it and I wish that I could still have you in it so the ones that came into my life after your passing could get to see the person that they only have heard about until this time. Sorties will be shared by the ones that actually do hold you in their hearts and minds for as long as they live. But now is the time that I must leave now, I have done all the speaking to you that my body will permit me and now I must rest, for I did not get too much sleep, knowing that this day is here.
*CLICK* I took a picture
Present Day
”So then the cemetery caretaker came up to me with a note and told me that my brother and sister left this for me. I thought it was you and your wife, I had no idea that I have a baby sister. When I opened up and read the message saying that you two were trying to get ahold of me since you both are of legal age now and you can’t be held back by any family members in contacting me. So of course I summoned you two to be a part of my life again.”
We had all sat down in the livingroom. LeeAnn had joined us, she could see how lit up my face was to finally see my Little Brother once again. I had not seen Jimmy since our father kicked me out the house when Jimmy was only two years old. He is the reason why I named my first born after him, my brother was my little shadow, since I was four years older than him. And now I get to meet the Little Sister I never had which surprised me because her name was Monica. The name of my oldest daughter.
Little Brother- We has wanted to see you wrestle forever.
”And you two shall, you will be my guests at the next show.”
Little Sister- My big brother, they wouldn’t let me see at all. But Jimmy had to keep away from you so he could watch over me after Mom and split up. Dad hated you with a passion, but never said why. But I’m glad that you are still wrestling, Jimmy would tell me all the things that you did, who are your opponents going to be?
”The Sea Men, former Pure Class Wrestling Tag Team Champions. One member, High Tide has also won two more tag team championships a part of a team called The Flying Freebooters. He has also grabbed singles gold as well. He has been the Underground King and North American Champion. I team that has and always been a tough cookie to crack, but I believe me and Jase can give them a match of a lifetime. Both teams are former tag team champions, so it will be a good match nonetheless. But now we have a surprise for the both of you.”
I yelled for the children to join us. All four were a counted for and we all stood up.
”Kids, I want you to meet two people that are going to be a part of our lives from now on. This is your Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Monica.”
The two oldest children looked on in awe as they are looking at two people that share their name.
”The reason the older two look shocked is because I named them after well Jimmy and Monica, I know that mom always told me that if I was going to be a girl that she would have named me Monica Marie. So that is what I named my first girl and now that mom got her wish with you, she has two now. And the youngest two are James and Debra, after Gramps and Mom. And now let’s go out to eat and celebrate the Marquez Family finally together once and for all.”
