Post by Dollface on Oct 2, 2015 20:39:58 GMT -5
A pair of oversized purple headphones sending music thumping directly into her brain, Kelli dances along the sidewalk, darting around slower moving shoppers as she goes. With every hop and skip her trademark pink curls bounce along behind her, tossed into a glorious tangle by the brisk fall breeze. As the setting autumn sun gilds her hair with a fiery glow, she reaches her objective flush-faced from the exercise and cool air. Slipping the headphones down around her neck, she opens the door to Wonderland, a merry bell jingle greeting her entry as the warm air envelops her.
Rummaging in the pocket of her rainbow denim jacket, she pulls out a slim camcorder, a few deft touches and the recording light blinks on - Kelli centering herself in the frame.
"Helloooooo PCW! So here's the thing, I've been watching a lot of youtube lately, right? Well, one thing I see people doing a lot of is recording themselves doing random stuff and posting the videos - so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and give it a shot. TODAY, you guys are gonna join me in a CANDY SHOP!" Kelli wheels slowly around in place, the camera scanning the walls around her - and what walls there were! Every available surface was used by some variety of candy jar, display, or dispenser. It was almost as though the place had come out of her fiercest wishes for a candy shop.
"So! Let's get started. While we're shopping, I'm gonna talk to you guys about PCW stuff because seriously just watching me load up on candy is so not going to be interesting enough on its own." Bobbing her head a bit to the music still playing through the headphones around her neck, Kelli shuffle-steps to the nearest candy delivering edifice, turning the camera to show the contents of the bin. A clutter of little black ovoids reflect the shop lights with a dull gleam, Kelli's hand sneaking into the frame to pick up the little plastic scoop. The rustle of plastic and rushing clicks of jellybeans pouring into a bag overpowers the camcorder's microphone before Kelli begins to speak again.
"Here we have black jellybeans. Black. Do you even need to ask who I'm talking about here? This candy is for Alexa. It's like her last name, they seem kind of okay but they're full of squishy hate inside, and I almost choked to death on one once. It is literally the worst candy I can think of, and I swear it wants me dead. If there's anything that can be said to redeem a black jellybean, it's that..."
Kelli turns the camera back to herself as she pops one in her mouth, screwing up her face in disgusted consternation as she chews.
"...it's that no matter what you do, and no matter who complains, they're ALWAYS still there, and they're ALWAYS full of the same sharp flavors of what might actually be the taste of attempted homicide."
She shivers, still making a face as she swallows, moving around the shop in a blur of recorded color to a small display of toys, whimsical novelties cluttered together in no particular order
"So let's look at these." The camera zooms in on the objects in her hand, the sound of cellophane crinkling through the recording as she smooths the packaging to better show the contents. Long, slender plastic tubes in a mismatched swirl of colors spiral wildly around themselves, twisting in loops and curlicues. "Crazy straws! Crazy straws. CRAZY. So, yeah, Crazy Boy. I guess I could be a total dick and say that the reason Crazy Boy is like crazy straws is because he sucks -" a lilting giggle sounds over the audio before she continues "- but I'm not that mean. Honest, I'm not! But yeah they're like... well. They're here. A lot of the time that's pretty much all that can be said for Crazy Boy, too."
The audio gears back down as Kelli falls silent in her search for more totally not hamfisted references to her impending match at Deadly Intentions. Suddenly, a squeal of delight drills through, the camera following Kelli at arm's length as she rushes over to a display of small boxes, red and green with stylized images.
"Botan! Okay so Botan Rice Candy is - well, it's rice candy, right? It's REALLY tasty, they're kind of like gummy and chewy and you can even eat the rice paper wrappers! I know it sounds weird and unusual, not something you'd find in a candy shop here in the US, but it's really great. It's my favorite Japanese candy!" Grabbing a few boxes she casually chucks them into the clear plastic bag provided to shoppers, bringing the camera closer. "So, Japanese candy... Japan... YEAH BOIEEE it's time to talk about Hiroshi Yukio! He's a sumo wrestler. I don't even KNOW what he's doing here, but hey, we've had weirder. This IS PCW, amirite? So anyway, he'll be in this thing too. I kind of can't worry about it, I'll just watch to make sure I don't get squished."
Wandering around some more, Kelli chatters happily over the video feed. "Okay so now I'm looking for... I dunno, someone else? it's kind of impossible to know what all I might find here, just like it's kind of impossible to know who might jump in to this match." Reaching up, she snags a brown paper sack, holding it in the camera's view. The words "Grab Bag - $1" are clearly marked, Kelli depositing the mystery assortment in her shopping bag. "Just gonna have to wait and see, I guess."
"Marshmallow Almond Raisin Clusters? So a really long name that tells us exactly what it is without actually telling us anything." She brings the camera closer to her face again, giving it a significant stare. "Not that it reminds us of any newcomers to PCW and their inclusion in the Deadly Rumble or anything, right? But hey, dudebro is along for the ride, might as well not give him TOO much crap about a pretentious name and nothing to show for it. Candy's candy, opponents are opponents... all's fair in candy and ass-whoopery."
Edging past a couple of excited children, Kelli leans over to grab a foil package off a hanging display, showing it proudly to the camera. "Check it out! Astronaut ice cream! See, it's like Derek Cosmos. First you got space, astronauts, the cosmos... see where this is going? Okay, good, coz I really don't want to have to spell it out for you any more than that. At any rate, I can't think of anything better to be his candy. It's unique, it's fun, it's really awesome - but it never lasts. You're never sure if you should really commit to enjoying it, since it always ends in disappointment when it's gone."
Kelli chuckles quietly, the laugh having a strange mocking undertone. "Oh dude. DUDE. Here we GO. See, this is Ezra. This shit right here. I dunno if you guys have been keeping up, but this new blood thinks he's some kind of boogeyman. Trying to be all scary with this twitter #FearMe shit like we don't already have people like freaking SADISTIC as the WORLD FREAKING CHAMPION, right? So this is him, check this out!" Kelli holds up a scoop of little chocolate nubs, giggling again. "See? They're chocolate covered - raisins. That's right. On the outside they're all like OOO LOOK AT ME I'M CHOCOLATE I'M SUPER LEGIT CANDY and on the inside they're just a lie. They're what old ladies eat at bridge parties, and I'm seriously losing the thread of my own narrative but FUCK this Ezra guy because he's just overcompensating for being lame."
"Pop rocks! Nuclear eyefuck orange, too! Okay so here's Stormmybritches, I got him now!" Holding up a fistful of packets, she lets the camera auto-focus on them before jamming them in her bag. "Anyway, yeah, Pop Rocks. See, they're fun, they're tasty, but... that's it. Like, they make a whole lot of noise and they taste good but only for like thirty seconds and then you're left with a mouthful of mush and empty pouch of shame dust. I dunno why this guy even still competes except OH YEAH THE BLACK HAND. Not that he was in on it the whole time or anything, but he just jumped on the bandwagon of their success and now he's there. I'm totally okay using a cliché candy to represent him, especially when it's his favorite color and is so painfully applicable to how seriously I'm taking him. Pop Rocks are super serious business, you guys, really." The sarcasm OOZING from her voice, she wanders on, the camera trained on her face as she looks around.
"Now there's just Grimm... and they don't have all the creepy eyeball candies out yet, or even those little boxes of candy bones, so I'm just gonna ramble to waste time while I look. See the thing with Grimm is that for a while I thought I was working with him, just like Sadistic and even Stormmybritches. Instead, things got all screwed up and now he seems SUPER mad at me. Like all the time mad at me. Have you ever had Grimm mad at you?" She stares intently into the camera, before giving a stern nod. "Pro tip: don't."
Her eyes dart to the side, focusing on something as she moves across the shop, reaching out to grab what looks like a ball. Picking up the fist sized orb, she holds it near her face, the black candy shell flecked with orange in early homage to Halloween. "So, EVERYONE knows what this is. It's a jawbreaker - and guess who THIS one is for? Yeah, that's right. Grimm. I shouldn't even have to explain this one, but this'll be a lame video if I don't. It's a JAWBREAKER. It BREAKS. JAWS. I don't know WHAT I did to Grimm, but holy shit he doesn't like me anymore. Thing is, he never did. But he never seemed to dislike me either, I thought. But it's kind of like this jawbreaker -" she pauses to bang it on the counter, a few sharp raps and the candy takes no more damage than a few flakes of coating cracked off. "- it's not so much that it has evil intent, it just hurts people because that's what it was made to do. There are a few ways to eat them, but you have to be smart about it. If you just come at it like any other candy, it'll straight up chip your teeth, distend your jaw, and it's awfully easy to think you can take it on and literally choke on it."
She drops it into the bag where it lands on the rest of the assorted treats with a heavy rustle. Focusing the camera on her face again, she tilts her head with a curious sort of interest.
"With all the tension and drama, egos and personalities, psycho bitch she-hulk amazons and GRIMM - this match might wind up a bit more literal on the Deadly than usual. The Deadly Rumble is always crazy, but I think this one is gonna devolve into a straight up clusterfuck." She peers close into the lens, green eyes huge. "Despite what it might sound like, a clusterfuck is NOT a delicious candy I can find here. Chock full of peanuts and fuck."
She pulls the camera back, making her way towards the door.
"I can't tell you who's gonna win, but I can tell you it'll be just like a trip to the candy shop."
She lifts the sack of treats into the camera's view, jumbling the contents around before grinning at the camera.
"By the time I'm done, someone's gettin' a Candygram."
Rummaging in the pocket of her rainbow denim jacket, she pulls out a slim camcorder, a few deft touches and the recording light blinks on - Kelli centering herself in the frame.
"Helloooooo PCW! So here's the thing, I've been watching a lot of youtube lately, right? Well, one thing I see people doing a lot of is recording themselves doing random stuff and posting the videos - so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and give it a shot. TODAY, you guys are gonna join me in a CANDY SHOP!" Kelli wheels slowly around in place, the camera scanning the walls around her - and what walls there were! Every available surface was used by some variety of candy jar, display, or dispenser. It was almost as though the place had come out of her fiercest wishes for a candy shop.
"So! Let's get started. While we're shopping, I'm gonna talk to you guys about PCW stuff because seriously just watching me load up on candy is so not going to be interesting enough on its own." Bobbing her head a bit to the music still playing through the headphones around her neck, Kelli shuffle-steps to the nearest candy delivering edifice, turning the camera to show the contents of the bin. A clutter of little black ovoids reflect the shop lights with a dull gleam, Kelli's hand sneaking into the frame to pick up the little plastic scoop. The rustle of plastic and rushing clicks of jellybeans pouring into a bag overpowers the camcorder's microphone before Kelli begins to speak again.
"Here we have black jellybeans. Black. Do you even need to ask who I'm talking about here? This candy is for Alexa. It's like her last name, they seem kind of okay but they're full of squishy hate inside, and I almost choked to death on one once. It is literally the worst candy I can think of, and I swear it wants me dead. If there's anything that can be said to redeem a black jellybean, it's that..."
Kelli turns the camera back to herself as she pops one in her mouth, screwing up her face in disgusted consternation as she chews.
"...it's that no matter what you do, and no matter who complains, they're ALWAYS still there, and they're ALWAYS full of the same sharp flavors of what might actually be the taste of attempted homicide."
She shivers, still making a face as she swallows, moving around the shop in a blur of recorded color to a small display of toys, whimsical novelties cluttered together in no particular order
"So let's look at these." The camera zooms in on the objects in her hand, the sound of cellophane crinkling through the recording as she smooths the packaging to better show the contents. Long, slender plastic tubes in a mismatched swirl of colors spiral wildly around themselves, twisting in loops and curlicues. "Crazy straws! Crazy straws. CRAZY. So, yeah, Crazy Boy. I guess I could be a total dick and say that the reason Crazy Boy is like crazy straws is because he sucks -" a lilting giggle sounds over the audio before she continues "- but I'm not that mean. Honest, I'm not! But yeah they're like... well. They're here. A lot of the time that's pretty much all that can be said for Crazy Boy, too."
The audio gears back down as Kelli falls silent in her search for more totally not hamfisted references to her impending match at Deadly Intentions. Suddenly, a squeal of delight drills through, the camera following Kelli at arm's length as she rushes over to a display of small boxes, red and green with stylized images.
"Botan! Okay so Botan Rice Candy is - well, it's rice candy, right? It's REALLY tasty, they're kind of like gummy and chewy and you can even eat the rice paper wrappers! I know it sounds weird and unusual, not something you'd find in a candy shop here in the US, but it's really great. It's my favorite Japanese candy!" Grabbing a few boxes she casually chucks them into the clear plastic bag provided to shoppers, bringing the camera closer. "So, Japanese candy... Japan... YEAH BOIEEE it's time to talk about Hiroshi Yukio! He's a sumo wrestler. I don't even KNOW what he's doing here, but hey, we've had weirder. This IS PCW, amirite? So anyway, he'll be in this thing too. I kind of can't worry about it, I'll just watch to make sure I don't get squished."
Wandering around some more, Kelli chatters happily over the video feed. "Okay so now I'm looking for... I dunno, someone else? it's kind of impossible to know what all I might find here, just like it's kind of impossible to know who might jump in to this match." Reaching up, she snags a brown paper sack, holding it in the camera's view. The words "Grab Bag - $1" are clearly marked, Kelli depositing the mystery assortment in her shopping bag. "Just gonna have to wait and see, I guess."
"Marshmallow Almond Raisin Clusters? So a really long name that tells us exactly what it is without actually telling us anything." She brings the camera closer to her face again, giving it a significant stare. "Not that it reminds us of any newcomers to PCW and their inclusion in the Deadly Rumble or anything, right? But hey, dudebro is along for the ride, might as well not give him TOO much crap about a pretentious name and nothing to show for it. Candy's candy, opponents are opponents... all's fair in candy and ass-whoopery."
Edging past a couple of excited children, Kelli leans over to grab a foil package off a hanging display, showing it proudly to the camera. "Check it out! Astronaut ice cream! See, it's like Derek Cosmos. First you got space, astronauts, the cosmos... see where this is going? Okay, good, coz I really don't want to have to spell it out for you any more than that. At any rate, I can't think of anything better to be his candy. It's unique, it's fun, it's really awesome - but it never lasts. You're never sure if you should really commit to enjoying it, since it always ends in disappointment when it's gone."
Kelli chuckles quietly, the laugh having a strange mocking undertone. "Oh dude. DUDE. Here we GO. See, this is Ezra. This shit right here. I dunno if you guys have been keeping up, but this new blood thinks he's some kind of boogeyman. Trying to be all scary with this twitter #FearMe shit like we don't already have people like freaking SADISTIC as the WORLD FREAKING CHAMPION, right? So this is him, check this out!" Kelli holds up a scoop of little chocolate nubs, giggling again. "See? They're chocolate covered - raisins. That's right. On the outside they're all like OOO LOOK AT ME I'M CHOCOLATE I'M SUPER LEGIT CANDY and on the inside they're just a lie. They're what old ladies eat at bridge parties, and I'm seriously losing the thread of my own narrative but FUCK this Ezra guy because he's just overcompensating for being lame."
"Pop rocks! Nuclear eyefuck orange, too! Okay so here's Stormmybritches, I got him now!" Holding up a fistful of packets, she lets the camera auto-focus on them before jamming them in her bag. "Anyway, yeah, Pop Rocks. See, they're fun, they're tasty, but... that's it. Like, they make a whole lot of noise and they taste good but only for like thirty seconds and then you're left with a mouthful of mush and empty pouch of shame dust. I dunno why this guy even still competes except OH YEAH THE BLACK HAND. Not that he was in on it the whole time or anything, but he just jumped on the bandwagon of their success and now he's there. I'm totally okay using a cliché candy to represent him, especially when it's his favorite color and is so painfully applicable to how seriously I'm taking him. Pop Rocks are super serious business, you guys, really." The sarcasm OOZING from her voice, she wanders on, the camera trained on her face as she looks around.
"Now there's just Grimm... and they don't have all the creepy eyeball candies out yet, or even those little boxes of candy bones, so I'm just gonna ramble to waste time while I look. See the thing with Grimm is that for a while I thought I was working with him, just like Sadistic and even Stormmybritches. Instead, things got all screwed up and now he seems SUPER mad at me. Like all the time mad at me. Have you ever had Grimm mad at you?" She stares intently into the camera, before giving a stern nod. "Pro tip: don't."
Her eyes dart to the side, focusing on something as she moves across the shop, reaching out to grab what looks like a ball. Picking up the fist sized orb, she holds it near her face, the black candy shell flecked with orange in early homage to Halloween. "So, EVERYONE knows what this is. It's a jawbreaker - and guess who THIS one is for? Yeah, that's right. Grimm. I shouldn't even have to explain this one, but this'll be a lame video if I don't. It's a JAWBREAKER. It BREAKS. JAWS. I don't know WHAT I did to Grimm, but holy shit he doesn't like me anymore. Thing is, he never did. But he never seemed to dislike me either, I thought. But it's kind of like this jawbreaker -" she pauses to bang it on the counter, a few sharp raps and the candy takes no more damage than a few flakes of coating cracked off. "- it's not so much that it has evil intent, it just hurts people because that's what it was made to do. There are a few ways to eat them, but you have to be smart about it. If you just come at it like any other candy, it'll straight up chip your teeth, distend your jaw, and it's awfully easy to think you can take it on and literally choke on it."
She drops it into the bag where it lands on the rest of the assorted treats with a heavy rustle. Focusing the camera on her face again, she tilts her head with a curious sort of interest.
"With all the tension and drama, egos and personalities, psycho bitch she-hulk amazons and GRIMM - this match might wind up a bit more literal on the Deadly than usual. The Deadly Rumble is always crazy, but I think this one is gonna devolve into a straight up clusterfuck." She peers close into the lens, green eyes huge. "Despite what it might sound like, a clusterfuck is NOT a delicious candy I can find here. Chock full of peanuts and fuck."
She pulls the camera back, making her way towards the door.
"I can't tell you who's gonna win, but I can tell you it'll be just like a trip to the candy shop."
She lifts the sack of treats into the camera's view, jumbling the contents around before grinning at the camera.
"By the time I'm done, someone's gettin' a Candygram."
