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Post by Grimm on Apr 22, 2015 9:28:16 GMT -5
Exodus 21:25 – If the title is any indication, Eira isn’t from the school of ‘turn the other cheek’ or ‘blessed are the peacemakers’, but anyway…as usual, this is a typical Eira piece, framework wise: sentence structure, grammar, word choice, description, etc., are all spot on. And you’ve always done a good job showing weaknesses in the character, which is isn’t that common in the efedding world but makes this make-believe world more believable. Only in this RP, we see Eira seriously breaking down. Which, given the circumstances, makes complete sense when you look at her story arc. Excellent work.
The Hand of God!!! – In a similar vein to Eira’s RP, we get to see a side of Mr. Showtime that we haven’t been privy to before (which, given how long he’s been around, is really saying something). The church visit was a good way to reveal Wryght’s internal conflicts over what he’s been through and what he’s being asked to do. And the whole vision quest, prophecy symbolism route is always fun.
“And you know I hate it when people call me Mikey.” Nice little character trait there, but you’re asking for it now!
Okay, so maybe there was a typo here and there, but you had to get this thing posted before you started jet setting around the world so we’ll forgive you for that.
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Post by Mr. Showtime on Apr 22, 2015 9:43:31 GMT -5
I actually wrote it on the plane with some bitch in front of me fully reclined so I couldn't see the screen while I typed. I actually made the Mikey comment because I've noticed people using the name quite a bit recently and he use to make a big deal about it.
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Post by Eira on Apr 22, 2015 11:31:35 GMT -5
Writing on the wall - GrimmI must say, I enjoyed this RP very much. Over the past couple months, it seemed like some of your work had been written from a more distracted frame of mind, less focused or less of a priority to your mental processing. Which is not to say that they were bad, they just seemed to lack the "grab the reader's brain and refuse to let it go til you're damn well ready" that I associate with most of your work. This roleplay, however, brought all that back. It opened with a description of the woods in such a way that it took on an air of gothic prose (in the literary sense, not in the angsty teen livejournal sense), and slipped into a "day in the life" conversation without dropping the reader's brain on the floor with the disconnect. The idea of The Grimm is so monolithic in everyone's minds, it can be jarring to see him in such normal, mundane interactions such as his market day conversation with Ruth. Or that one time he said "taters". Grimm's decision to enter the Last Chance came as a bit of a surprise to me, but it fuses seamlessly with his intention to go after NCM. Ah, that part, NCM vs Grimm... it's going to be absolutely AMAZING and I can't wait to see where you two go with it. Been a while 'round these parts since we've seen two Big Bads slugging the crap out of each other. I'm still wanting to know more/see more of Ruth, though.
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Post by Grimm on Apr 22, 2015 12:32:35 GMT -5
Patch of Land – I’m going to be completely honest, and say I’ve not given your previous work the time it deserved (actually, I’ve not given many RPs at all much attention lately), so forgive me if I’m restating something obvious or if I’m just plain missing something you’ve already addressed.
**EDIT:** I started typing out some feedback regarding the length of this piece, which I didn’t feel too bad about since you said yourself it was kind of long. But that was based on my first glance, and as I was reading it I realized, I’ll be darned, this isn’t one of those ‘stuff it full of irrelevant details / side stories / etc. just to make it long because maybe that will give me the edge’ RPs I usually flat out avoid. This was good, LIGHT, and it’s because your merging of storyline with match relevance was really well done. You should probably make sure this is always the case so you don’t get carried away at any point (if you do, you could post to your heart’s content in the Around the Arena or Creative Writing Corner threads), but as long as everything flows like this you won’t have any trouble. Nice work!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2015 12:43:48 GMT -5
I really appreciate the feedback. Don't worry about this being the first one, frankly my stuff has sucked lately. I hadn't quite been understanding PCW or the way it works so I was having trouble getting motivated. This week was the first time I felt like I clicked.
The length was a big concern to me too. I wanted to hit on so much, like starting to establish the neighborhood LIGHT lives in and how Steel's a scary son of a bitch anywhere he goes but I really needed to tie into the match. It was six pages in my word processor when I usually try to hit like three and even I was like "Ugh, who would want to read this?" But it was the story I wanted to tell. Next week should be more manageable.
Want me to hit one of yours in return? if so, which RP?
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Post by Seth Archer on Apr 22, 2015 14:53:25 GMT -5
I don't ask often but I'd really appreciate some feedback on my RP. I'll write some feedback for others tomorrow  |
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Post by A Ghost in the Wind on Apr 24, 2015 13:37:37 GMT -5
I don't do this often, but I have to say...the RP battle between Eira and Gem this week was amazing. Good job, ladies. And before anyone asks, I'm not singling out anyone else {yet?}, but not for any other reason than I have just begun scoring RPs and these were the first two that I officially scored. But it was a great battle! |
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Post by A Ghost in the Wind on Apr 24, 2015 13:41:22 GMT -5
I really appreciate the feedback. Don't worry about this being the first one, frankly my stuff has sucked lately. I hadn't quite been understanding PCW or the way it works so I was having trouble getting motivated. This week was the first time I felt like I clicked. The length was a big concern to me too. I wanted to hit on so much, like starting to establish the neighborhood LIGHT lives in and how Steel's a scary son of a bitch anywhere he goes but I really needed to tie into the match. It was six pages in my word processor when I usually try to hit like three and even I was like "Ugh, who would want to read this?" But it was the story I wanted to tell. Next week should be more manageable. Want me to hit one of yours in return? if so, which RP? Don't feel obligated to leave just Grimm feedback. How it usually works 'round these parts is, every card will have an RP Feedback thread and the idea is to give feedback to everyone who posts. Nothing is required, and I especially appreciate you offering to return the favor to Grimm, but you'll see many more people offering you feedback if you take the initiative to offer them feedback first. (Everyone should be taking the initiative to offer others feedback without receiving feedback first. I'm not picking on you, just pointing out forum etiquette to everyone.) |
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Post by Nathan Saniti on Apr 24, 2015 14:07:33 GMT -5
(Everyone should be taking the initiative to offer others feedback without receiving feedback first. I'm not picking on you, just pointing out forum etiquette to everyone.) Yeah. We also have show feedback threads where we're supposed to get our RP scores in return for feedback. :  : |
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Post by A Ghost in the Wind on Apr 24, 2015 14:12:07 GMT -5
(Everyone should be taking the initiative to offer others feedback without receiving feedback first. I'm not picking on you, just pointing out forum etiquette to everyone.) Yeah. We also have show feedback threads where we're supposed to get our RP scores in return for feedback. : : This is true...sorta. You're suppose to leave feedback in order to get your RP Score...which is the only "official" feedback I can give. But, I stopped putting up the threads in which they can be asked for because everyone stopped requesting their score. But, considering the amount of people asking again as of late, I may just in-fact bring back the RP Score threads. ...but can I say how peaceful it's been not hearing anyone really pursuing a number and just writing? |
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Post by Nathan Saniti on Apr 24, 2015 15:51:13 GMT -5
Oh you. Stop with your silly logic. There have been times I was curious, but TBH unless it was close and I wanna try to figure out where I fell short, then it's of no real concern to me. Truthfully, I was just busting your bawls.
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Post by Stormm on Apr 24, 2015 16:05:44 GMT -5
We stopped asking for scores, because you stopped putting up RP score threads in the OOC forums!  |
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Post by Grimm on Apr 24, 2015 16:41:53 GMT -5
I really appreciate the feedback. Don't worry about this being the first one, frankly my stuff has sucked lately. I hadn't quite been understanding PCW or the way it works so I was having trouble getting motivated. This week was the first time I felt like I clicked. The length was a big concern to me too. I wanted to hit on so much, like starting to establish the neighborhood LIGHT lives in and how Steel's a scary son of a bitch anywhere he goes but I really needed to tie into the match. It was six pages in my word processor when I usually try to hit like three and even I was like "Ugh, who would want to read this?" But it was the story I wanted to tell. Next week should be more manageable. Want me to hit one of yours in return? if so, which RP? Don't feel obligated to leave just Grimm feedback. Love me! Hug me! Shower me with kisses! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2015 17:01:02 GMT -5
Having just read it, I think Nathan Saniti's RP was a brilliant way to bring Joka's character into his world. Somehow it is a roleplay about how dangerous Joka is and yet somehow ridiculed the character in a nice story arc. I tip my hat to the creativity and how it was written. A very good RP I thought. At the time of me writing this feedback, Joka was yet to reply but I am no doubting that the reply will tackle this RP and that is the sign of a good RP opponent, someone who writes something which is not only easy to reply to but also allows the respondent to flow nicely with their reply. Seth Archer had a very informative RP this time, by that I mean that not only does the RP tackle what has happened recently for the character but also the future of the character. I'm a big believer that you either post an RP that tackles your opponent with a bit of character development in it or two seperate RP's; one for the opponent the other for development. You managed to choose the former and it helps bring more intrigue into your characters chances for the tournament. Still being new to this place I don't know how much character development has been revealed for your character without reading all of your old promos but I enjoyed hearing the part of e-fedding that is sometimes not tackled and that is the consequences of the characters actions lately. It's a good tactic and also allows insight into the psyche of Seth before going into another match which could create more consequences for the character to tackle with this new mysterious character. I enjoyed it. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2015 17:02:14 GMT -5
Also, I like the RP scores in that show feedback thread. Would love to know what the "powers that be" liked and disliked about my RP's
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Post by Eira on Apr 24, 2015 17:31:50 GMT -5
Joka was yet to reply but I am no doubting that the reply will tackle this RP and that is the sign of a good RP opponent, someone who writes something which is not only easy to reply to but also allows the respondent to flow nicely with their reply PCW isn't really a "call-and-reply" type fed. However, the Around the Arena board is a good place to put that kind of thing. In PCW you can write as many roleplays as you'd like for a given show, but ONLY the highest scoring RP will be used to determine the outcome of a match. That being the case, most handlers write just one RP unless a special event, like the Last Chance Battle Royal requires them to write two. Also, I like the RP scores in that show feedback thread. Would love to know what the "powers that be" liked and disliked about my RP's Upon posting results feedback, a handler could ask for their RP score and A Ghost in the Wind would send it to them privately. If they wished, they could then post their score in that same thread. Like this one. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2015 18:06:52 GMT -5
I wasn't saying how it should happen or anything, just was saying that Saniti's RP was helpful for Joka if he wanted to take that tact. As for the two RP's, that's just my style. As for the score's I just think it is a cool idea, never really thought about asking for a score just because I can ask for feedback here if I wanted it.
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Post by Eira on Apr 24, 2015 18:20:28 GMT -5
I wasn't saying how it should happen or anything, just was saying that Saniti's RP was helpful for Joka if he wanted to take that tact. As for the two RP's, that's just my style. As for the score's I just think it is a cool idea, never really thought about asking for a score just because I can ask for feedback here if I wanted it. Bit of a communications glitch, I'm afraid. I came here from a roleplaying background in solely call-and-reply style forum writing, so I know a lot of places do that. I leapt to the conclusion that you were possibly from the same sort of background and expected to see that here. I didn't want you to have the wrong idea or expectations about PCW's writing/scoring, and wind up not doing as well as you could if you'd known. Overzealous covering of all bases, I suppose. |
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Post by Joka on Apr 24, 2015 18:53:18 GMT -5
I wasn't saying how it should happen or anything, just was saying that Saniti's RP was helpful for Joka if he wanted to take that tact. As for the two RP's, that's just my style. As for the score's I just think it is a cool idea, never really thought about asking for a score just because I can ask for feedback here if I wanted it. Sometimes I'll go the route of "firing back" at an opponent... however... I had something planned for this week. I did fire back a little... but not in the way anyone expected. I hope everyone enjoys the read... as it may be disturbing to some viewers I suggest turning off the lights and putting on some sadsad music. *Evil Smile* I never ask for feedback (cept for mah character feedback thread that one time) AND THIS TIME IS NO EXCEPTION! Leave me alone... I'm playing Pokemon! |
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Post by Nathan Saniti on Apr 24, 2015 18:55:08 GMT -5
Overzealous covering of all bases, I suppose. I hear the Royals are hiring. : : |
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